


RE:: Return to Sender

by grischir



Category: Bleach
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Gen, I already feel the M tag coming up, Modern, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Supernatural - Freeform, kubo why did you do all those side charas dirty like that, mine now im gonna give them attn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26241313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grischir/pseuds/grischir
Summary: Then came that sensation of frustration , of futility—that seemed to linger like this invisible , impermeable filter around me.I was getting sick and tired of it , frankly.Maybe that’s why I couldn’t laughing then; I was just so exhausted from being a ‘ blank slate ’ as he so endearingly described it. This complete stranger was able to discern that with so much a glance . . . and some knowledge of my personal life in addition to that. To me he spoke:  “ Well ? Are you going to get the answers you deserve ? When will you stop being blinded by the truth right in front of you?”( Formerly 'Strawberry Poison' on FFN , a redux set in Rukia's POV ( and occasionally set in others' perspectives ) in attempting to uncover the secrets that have fabricated her new life. IchiRuki AU [ Modern / Supernatural ] focus with side ships , and wanting to give attn. to those side characters Kubo only gave one panel of screen time , probably. )
Relationships: Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo
Kudos: 4





	1. Calling Card

It’s been two years and some since I’ve last seen my brother. Today was supposed to mark a sort of ‘celebration’ . . . if one could call it that.

Instead of the trite , somber ceremonies most have to honor their dead , I recall suggesting to make it a celebration of their lives, rather. I remember I wanted to stop feeling so sad and guilty all the damn time—despite the fact their cause of death was unknown to me at the time.

Byakuya , my elder brother , had an expression on his face that was nigh unforgettable: he wasn’t the expressive sort , so those minute , subtle changes spoke the world of what he felt. I’m sure you know the sort: orthodox , to the letter , abides by the book , and conversations with them could be better fared with a wall. I don’t remember from where or when we started the tradition specifically , but do vividly recall how much a pain Byakuya was being about it ; some excuse about needing to show ‘our respects and honor towards them’ , but let me ask you—if you were no longer on this spinning orb of chaos and depravity , wouldn’t you want those who knew you to remember you fondly ?

So that marked the beginning of when I truly began to get to know my brother. A sort of odd sentence to say , isn’t it ? To give you all some more context , I actually had yet to meet or even know of him prior to the deaths of my parents—it was at their funeral where we met actually. I did have half a mind to push that looming , beanstalk of a figure down into that grave for how aloof he seemed about it all , like it didn’t even matter.

Turned out , Brother Dearest fled the coop pretty early in life ; over the years , he began to divulge more , even if he was vague and cryptic about it all. In during those years , I learned how to read those indecipherable expressions that could send people running with a mere glance. I came to view it as simply a part of him I would have to get used to. ‘ _Warts and all_ ’ , you know?

So you figure: at least a decade of communication , even seldom as it was , would have warranted him to show , no ? But instead , I get this grand gesture in a text: [ _**The storm canceled any chance of my flight taking off. I’ll see you when I can.**_ ] I wasn’t expecting him to throw a parade when he came here , but at least some trace hint to let me know ahead of time to not expect him would have been nice. I can hear him now , chastising me for my selfishness when I really should be paying my respects. I suppose in a way he’s right. . . but it’s annoying to admit it right now.

Rather than to wallow , I knew it would be better to be more productive with my time. Consequently , the trill of my phone helped break the spell of any looming thoughts. Well eager was I to look for a distraction , that I took a rather casual tone in answering , forgetting to look at the caller ID.

“ Heya.” Nestling the phone between my ear and shoulder , I sought to keep myself busy , getting the essentials with one foot out the door , and my other foot more than likely plotting my literal downfall as I forget to walk once I heard the other line speak.

“ Good afternoon to you too , Ms. Kuchiki. I do hope you’re on your way to work.”

And then my brain had the gall to ask me: _Why did you even bother picking up ? When has anyone ever told good news to you over the phone ?_

 _“_ Yes sir , Mr. Urahara-” Words muttered while one heel did the twist into a scuffed up sneaker to fit in. “ Say , did my brother happen to speak to you at all today ? ”

“ I am afraid not—oh , that’s right , it’s the 15th , isn’t it. . . no wonder you were tardy. . . ”

 _Way to rub it in , pal._ I found myself mouthing ; honestly , he wasn’t a bad boss , but Urahara was hardly a pushover either. I would like to think if Byakuya spent a little more time around him , he could learn a thing or two about compassion. Byakuya was the reason I managed to secure a job , through his working relationship with Urahara ; and Urahara was the reason I could stomach to be so far away from home. It was also through Urahara I could decipher just a touch more about the brother from out the blue ; including his ticks. I think we bonded more over that than anything—the man may not look like it , but he’s got a sense of humor—the kind one could get away with , as he doesn’t appear the type.

My employer . . . ran a small outlet of sorts that even now , I struggle to help define it. It wasn’t official in any capacity ( which made the question of _how_ Byakuya knew this man all the more pressing ) , but what I did knew for certain was that he had a knack for secrets—finding them , in particular. I’ve only been privy to a few conversations I was lucky enough to hear on , but that’s the full extent of it. The shack he operated out of seemed hardly up to code , and the adjacent buildings next to it were probably the only measure of keeping it upright. I myself haven’t ever stepped too far into the kitschy little place , and found myself in disbelief that he truly operated out of such a small space.

Even when I arrived to the doorstep , I felt a sense of dread every time I stepped in. Not towards the bucket-hat toting man ( which I still refuse to acknowledge as fashion , even in this day and age ) . but towards the ‘life’ of this crumbling little abode. It seemed that in spite of its unstable state , Urahara was well enough content with its structure to keep business coming here. “ Afternoon , Mr. Urahara—I am truly sorry ab-”

“ Mention nothing of it. I know today’s an odd one for you , so we have no need to discuss it further. ” There came that smile that always seemed to know too much. It made me think he could rattle even Byakuya with the extent of knowledge under that cap. I had no reason to suspect him , not really . . . it was just sort of a gut feeling that always seemed to chide not to get too close to him. Despite Byakuya reaching out to him to ensure I wouldn’t get into trouble. Despite the man offering me a job so I could at least support myself. A job which , in the very least , varied in its duties and services: for the pay , it seemed a touch above entry-level , but I wasn’t one to look a gift horse in its mouth.

Waving me on in , I felt that dread for but a moment as I focused on the present , and whatever idle errand he had me fetch. To my surprise , Urahara’s request was to be that of listener , and join him for a cup of tea.

If he made the time to move aside these random items and stacks of files and documents in boxes towered up they could almost support the ceiling , it could almost be called a home. It wouldn’t make sense for it to be in the middle of a business district , yet here it stood , in all the red flags inside that gave me the impression my boss was a textbook hoarder. One day , I knew I would have to go through these piles , I knew it. Yet , the question of today’s task still lingered at the edges of my brain.

The silence was bearable , but not uncomfortable ; he must have sensed something was up , because Urahara was quick on the take to see what troubled me so. “ Just so you know , you’re off today—but not out of punishment or selectivity. ” He caught me lifting my brows in a bit of surprise while pouring the hot water from the kettle , before reclining back onto his seat to study me some more. “ It’s simple overdue that we have ourselves a little tête-à-tête. ”

“ Any reason why today ? ” I couldn’t help the light chuckle that came out of my mouth in wonder.

“ I just happen to be free. I namely rely on foot traffic , and the downpour is keeping most of the clients home , it seems.” Tentative eyes looked at the glass-paned door , as if to enunciate his point. For how cryptic he was about it all , it honestly made me want to look for any kind of hint to gauge what _specifically_ he dealt in—yet common sense said to not even try it. “ That , and I have been neglecting to check in on you. I am your keeper. ”

“ You’re as much my keeper as much as your job is official , sir. ”

“Hoh? ” Those coughs from him soon turned a smile wide with the cup set down. Those eyes looking straight through me , I felt my tailbone tuck in under itself to retain an air of sureness and confidence. “ . . . You are your brother’s sister , no doubt about that. ”

“ Would you like to enlighten said sister on your educated guesses on what’s _really_ keeping him from coming this year ? It isn’t as if the date has changed in the past 13 years. ” The aftertaste of spite and disdain left its trail on my tongue , making me wish I could take back the words. I knew it was juvenile to act petty , but I couldn’t help but be disappointed when I realized my brother—who again , I hadn’t seen in two years—wasn’t coming. “ You’re a walking encyclopedia of secrets. Aren’t I privy to at least this one ? ”

In the months I had worked for Mr. Urahara , I hadn’t seen an expression so stoic—let alone one he would express. That stretch went on for an eon and a half before the man took off that ridiculous hat to let that hand rummage through the messy cloud of hair that seemed to be as untamed and daring as his fashion sense. This began to feel more like me digging at the heart of something that’s been sitting on the back-burner , and I’ve long forgotten it somehow . . . whether me being distracted was intentional or not , this man had the answers.

“ Things came up last minute. Things not even I secured Byakuya’s trust to confide to , let alone reveal to you. Why he wouldn’t divulge it . . . I can hazard a gu-”

“ I am not your client , Boss-”

“ Yet you are making the demands of one. ” Wheat-colored brows rose sheepishly , those eyes not moving with the gradual curl of one corner of his lips. Then , a bandaged finger was raised , before my sight drifted from digit to the shopkeeper. “ Oh—I’m a clumsy cook—but nevermind that; I do have something in lieu for your brother’s tendency for secrets. Although you really can’t blame him , he’s-”

“ Sir. ” If I didn’t stop him now , he would go on until sunrise.

“ Right , right-” Quick on his feet , the old man still had some energy in those bones. For some time , he rummaged about in those same boxes ( which I feared were critical to the structural integrity of this shack ) until Urahara pulled out a business card. “ Now for you , I can at least have you enjoy your night off. . . and depending on who you go with , the next day too. ”

I felt the wrinkles on my forehead push down above my brows. Flipping the card over , the pentagonal symbol was strange , maybe because of the skull insignia on it. In a certain light , it spelled out something in a writing I couldn’t make out , but looked to my super for at least a hint. “ Wanna translate? ”

“ And risk having to get up again to get my glasses ? No , thank you. Although I assure you it’s not a bad place. Just keep your wits about you , or your brother might actually send the fire inspector this way , as he is so oft of threatening me. .”

“ So you are aware it’s not up to code.”

“ The business of my business is just that: mine. Although if you do happen to go to that hole in the wall , there’s something I’ve been meaning to go by there to pick up , actually. A woman with striking ivy hair will know about it. . . although her name eludes me now-”

“ If she has green hair , I’m sure she’ll stand out.” Dismissing his rambling , I made a stride to sip my tea as quick as possible before he went on rambling about some other story he more than likely misremembered. As I made my way out , something continued to gnaw at my thoughts. “ Hey , how is it that you know this place anyway ?”

“ I’m on good terms with the boss there. If you think _I’m_ elusive , then they’re the Chesire Cat.” There came that smug smirk . . . although it didn’t seem threatening or worrisome in the slightest. . . as if he was eager to see if I would take the bait.

Joke’s on him , I needed a drink more than anything right around now. “ I’ll see if Renji wants to come with. You remember him , right ? Your assistant that lasted-”

Urahara shook his head rather quickly before a flustered wave colored cheeks. “ I would rather not be reminded of the collateral and emotional damage he did. No better than a fiery whirlwind , that boy.” It was rare for the shopkeeper to get so huffy , his age truly being reflected in these little moments. Maybe it was performative—to get a small laugh out of me. He tells me time and time again I don’t smile or laugh enough for my age. While I had my suspicions about Urahara , I knew for the most part , he meant well—or so I hoped. Like what you would call someone between that uncle and grandpa stage. . . he was smack dab in the middle. In hindsight , I wished I had spent more time with the loon. Maybe I would have gotten to find out more secrets had I not been so afraid of taking steps for formative relationships with those that genuinely cared about me.

“ I’ll send him your regards when I go to see him.”

“ I would rather you didn’t , and get money out of him instead.”

* * *

I took a moment to look over the shop , before a smooth lull of quiet waded in between us yet again. It drew me to look at his eyes , which I then noticed looked wearier than the last time I worked for him. “ If my brother does manage to get in contact with you. . .” I began , but honestly wasn’t sure where I was going with this. There were plenty of things I found hard to express , to put into words with ease. And as if he sensed the smoke coming out of my ears in attempting to say the right words for this moment , I felt a firm , but lithe touch on my shoulder. A nod from him said plenty more than I could express.

“ I’ll let you know as soon as he does—and promise to chide him plenty for his tardiness in your stead. Go blow off some steam , Rukia. You’ve enough on your plate for today.”

The smile was forced , as I truly didn’t want any pity—if I thought about the strange set strange relation that Urahara held to my family , I would only be end up with more questions than answers—and maybe a bit of rage at Byakuya for thinking it more convenient to sweep things under the rug. I made the mental note to make a list of questions for him . . . truly the epitome of sibling-building activities.

While part of me was a touch irked I took the train simply to have tea with a shady businessman in his 50’s ( and thinking about it didn’t paint me in any better a light. . . ) , Renji was a quick way to take my mind off of things. Sometimes he was so loud , you couldn’t even think over the sheer volume and energy he had. I caught myself smiling in anticipation while I called him up , eager to let loose with him for a night out.

_“ Mmr. . wh. . .hello ?”_

“ Were you seriously asleep just now ? ” Mirth stifled , I knew my smile was big. Hell , he could probably hear it on the other line. “ You know there’s only six hours left in the day ?”

“ It’s too early on _my time_ for math-” A noisy yawn came through obnoxiously to my ears , before I swore at him. “Whatcha want , Rukia ?”

“ Mr. Urahara is sending me to a place that’s probably sketch to pick up something. I think it’s a club.”

“If it’s coming from him , it _is_ sketch. Honestly , I don’t know why you’re still working for that shut-in , tea-lovin’ loon.”

“ Mad I didn’t break your record for quitting?”

“ I just think it says something about an establishment if someone quits within the hour. ”

“ And nothing about the quitter themselves , of course ? ”

“ But of course. So , where’s this joint ? ”

“ Uh-” My fingers patted pockets , almost afraid I lost the business card. “ I. . . can’t read the logo , it’s either in some ridiculous font or another language. ” Unsure in my own description of the card , I flipped it over to look at the image. “ There’s a little skull in this pentagon. It’s strange. . . ” I continued to squint at the image , trying to make heads or tails whatever this cryptic phrase was:

_**xолэ’o’ʒлoрʃoрд** _

“ . . Huh.”

“ . . . What ? ”

“ I actually think I know what you’re talking about , even if it’s too early to be talking about nightclubs . . . if you could even call it that-” Another yawn ensued , before Renji seemed to have finally chased off his grogginess. “ Come on over , I’ll show you the way when we met up.”

“ You don’t have any objections to going to this shady place ? ”

“ Nah , I work as a bouncer there sometimes. It still _is_ shady , but a lot less shady than some of the joints downtown. And there’s fewer Yuppies up there.”

“ Alright, I’m on my way.”

“ Hey—Rukia? ”

“ Hm ? ”

“ Your brother isn’t spending the night with you tonight , right ? ”

 _I swear , if Renji knows something before I do. . ._ “ No , why ? ”

“ Oh. ” I recognized that tone better than most.

“ I’ll explain when I get there. I’ll see you soon. ” Never had I been so quick to end a conversation , let alone with a friend.

At his door , my knocks had been quick to turn into poundings at the wood. He didn’t utter a vocal response to the first few , and I was afraid he might have dozed off again. Sure enough , just as I was about to knock roughly for the third time , the door swiftly opened , showing a disheveled and slightly grumpy bachelor grump something I couldn’t understand nor care to. “ Good morning , wingman. ”

Immediately Renji crossed his arms over his chest , shaking his head for added emphasis. “ Oh hell nah—like _hell-”_

“And who are _you_ to have a say in this ? My brother ?”

“ That’s the person who’ll probably murder me if I let you near that crowd in-”

“ Oh , shut up—he’s not here , nor is he coming.” Bitterness spat out with those words , before I exhaled deep , then looking over to see the different look on his face with this revelation. I could see him attempt to puzzle what to say next , before I gave a sigh to explain. “ It’s been 15 years . . . you would think he would be punctual. So , I’m going to celebrate in my own way. And if you get in my way , you’ll regret it , you know. ”

“ I don’t doubt it-” The words came mumbled as Renji scratched at that mane of maroon before heading over to a mirror to attempt to twist his hair into something that didn’t look the mess it did right now. “ Do gotta give you a heads-up though—there are some unsavory regulars you gotta avoid.”

“ Unsavory how , exactly ? ” Fingers go to help him move the twists while his own digits begin to twist the locks. Looking back , the hair reminded me just how long I’ve known Renji—almost 10 years. He was the first friend I made when I moved to this neighborhood. He probably was the one who knew me the longest and the best out of anyone here , and even then , I still felt distant and detached to him at times. His pause lingered as Renji looked over his shoulder to give me a glance before finishing his braid.

“ For yourself and the sake of me not getting fired from there , don’t stir any trouble. I know how . . passionate you get in your debates. Unfortunately , some of the folk there aren’t as . . . gracious as yours truly-”

“ If that isn’t some bull-” Hearing that out of his mouth had me snort , before I nodded to acknowledge this moment of stern sincerity. Looking at his hair , I helped with the finishing touches before jutting my chin out the door. “ Shall we ? ”

An unsure expression came on his face , with the small irises looking over my attire—work clothes , to be more specific. “ You goin’ in that ? ”

“ Since when do you care about fashion ? ” I wish I could say I was confident enough in my own looks not to be self-conscious , but that comment got to me. Maybe it was more common sense that I wear something a touch dressier than overalls and a crop top to a club. Or pub. Or wherever and whatever this place was going to be. Renji’s suggestion was successful in getting me to change into something more suiting for the occasion: a halter-top dress with edges of black to accentuate the bane of lack of curves—but it was the best contender for a last-minute attempt at a night out. All the while , Renji saw fit to give constructive criticism about my hair , reminding me he took time to tend to his mane—that I should as well. Had he not been so meticulous and done so well on his style , I would have sabotaged it—but the distraction was nice , even if it was namely teasing on his end.

On the train there , quietude settled over once more , and it made me think I hadn’t taken the train with him in what felt like . . . years , even. Renji primarily worked nights , taking gigs that would call for heavy labor , but tonight was the first that I heard of him working as a bouncer. Strange he didn’t tell me before tonight. . .

He settled against the back of the seat , before I felt the gaze of his hues on me. A tilt of my chin to show I was awaiting him to speak , before second thoughts seemed to occlude his mind. “ I . . . you didn’t mention Byakuya earlier , or explain what you meant before on the phone. ”

I wondered if I held the potential to maintain a stony facade like brother dearest. Yet , that sigh was already on its way out the door before I could get a single word in. “ There’s really nothing to say. He didn’t show , and I don’t know if he’s still coming or what. I think . . . I was just disappointed in him , you know ? It’s something that _we_ go through year after year. Last year was an anomaly because of his surgery. But now . . it kinda gives me the vibe as if he doesn’t care. I know it’s foolish to think that—I mean , they were _his_ parents too . . . but he could at least _show_ he cared some. ”

Renji kept quiet for a few beats before I was reminded of our size difference when his palm patted my bicep in support. “ You know the guy’s a rock. Give him time. He’s not exactly a charismatic guy. Maybe . . . he needs to process things his own way. ”

Why did I feel such an intense pang of guilt ? Looking back , I could see how my form of ‘grieving’ wasn’t something that could sit right with him , even after he had put up with it for years on end. Was he just going to suck it up once a year ? And if it did bother him , why wouldn’t he be more direct about it ? He certainly had no problem expressing his opinion on other matters. . . “ Maybe you’re right , but I don’t want to think about that right now. ” I realized only after I may have come off as a touch too stand-offish , but that was that on that. No more.

“ Heard you loud and clear. Oh—here’s our stop.”

“ It’s the end of the line. ”

“ Yeah , and we have to walk some. Glad I’m not the one wearing heels. ”

He earned a kind finger raised at him before Renji led the way. Instead of taking the entrance up above to the main road , he continued to walk down the corridor of the underground station , making me a touch worried. When I called out for him , he only motioned for me to follow him from behind—and I wasn’t inclined to get left behind in the dark.

It wasn’t until the edge of the platform that an elevator was in view , right beneath the stairs—an entry that had been welded shut—yet another operation that had me questioning its structural integrity. “Get on,” Renji ushered me in , but I had my doubts. Yet , if I was doing to die on this rickety lift , at least I can say I looked cute for the night.

Doubtless he could sense my anxiety , before snickering to himself. “ If you went on all those errands Urahara sent you on , this is a walk in the park. ” His fingers pushed the lift’s buttons in a sequence . . . or code to make it descend ; my arm around his , I needed to hold onto something alive within the past half-century to assuage my fears about getting on this ride. I’m so glad Renji found it hilarious to make fun of my rabbit heart about to leap out my chest; and all too eager was I to step out of that lift and onto solid ground. Had it not been pitch-black , I probably would have kissed the ground. . . or maybe not , the more I think about it. “Renji, do you want to clue me in on where the hell you’re taking me ? ”

“ This is it.” His hand took mine to point towards the only thing the platform opened up to: a pair of doors pitch as night itself , with its illuminated handles and edging the only light source. “ I’m right behind you , go on in. ”

“ _And how in the hell was I supposed to get here by myself , Urahara ? ”_ I caught myself grumbling as I pushed open the doors , to see life beyond that entrance. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights , as eyes looked my way , and with Renji gently ushering me to move on ahead , my feet felt as if they were made of lead. Too quickly had he shepherded me towards to bar , and things seemed to resume back to their respective rhythms. It was dim enough as is , but with the faint lighting hailing from the stage and steps trailing up above to the second floor , it provided just enough to not bump into the walls.

Hands gripped my shoulders lightly—before I turned to listen in on Renji explaining his shift was about to start , but it wouldn’t be more than an hour—to let loose a little , and that whatever drinks I got were on him. When I tried to press him for more information , he was well on his way out to the other passages of this club before that feeling of dread crept up on me. My chest deflated to a degree , before I caught a striking shade of ivy across the bar; eyes trailed up before I saw those hazels looking back at me , catching me off guard. Blinking a view times , I felt warmth spread across my face and down my neck at how . . . imperfectly perfect the woman standing across me was: a giant marred scar across her nose and cheeks , but her subtle , curved nose and round cheeks almost made it seem more youthful , and to her favor. If you looked hard enough , there were darker dots the scar covered. Never had I seen such warmth in a smile , that I was at a loss for words , before she spoke to me , finally breaking me from that stupor: “ Are you alright ? Renji just sort of up and dumped you here , didn’t he ? A true friend , hm ? ”

A delayed chuckle came before I finally managed to nod in respond. “ Yeah , if you could call him that. You should have heard him on the way over here , pretending as if he was going to stay and fend off the ‘unsavory folk’ here. His words. ”

“ Oh , I believe you. You look smart enough to not judge one for their appearances. Nobody is who they appear to be here , darling. Might I have your name ? Free drink if you do.”

Part of me hoped she was flirting , as a sort of validation for my appearance. “ I’m Rukia. And you ? You . . . wouldn’t happen to know a guy named Urahara , would you ? ”

“I’m Nelliel , but stick to Nel. And sorry , that name doesn’t ring a bell. Do I look familiar or . . ?” With precision and grace did she prepare my drink, despite me having yet to tell her what I would enjoy. “ If you don’t like it , I can make you something else. It’s just a guess based on the air you give off.”

“ Which would be what , I wonder. . . ”

“ . . . You have a lot of secrets , and aren’t an open book.” Her palm rested her chin before tilting her head some to study me some more. “ You don’t trust easily , and when you do , it’s with your full heart. I think you could use a friend , and it’s okay to ask for help every once in a while. You seem the sort to shoulder a lot. So remind yourself to take it easy once in a while , yeah ? ” Waiting on my response , I mulled over her words while sipping the copper liquid ; while it burned , there was something pleasantly clean about the aftertaste. “ If I drink too much , how am I going to find my way out of this maze , Nel ? ”

“ Oh , we have staff here to help you home. Due to the nature of our little get-togethers being elusive , it’s seldom we meet , and hardly here of all places. So don’t worry , you aren’t the only disoriented one, even if you are sober. I lost my way plenty a time—but thankfully there was always a helping hand.”

“ Oh ?”

“ Well . . . a pair too many , and then a pair came along whose hands were . . . well , remember what I said about appearances ? ” Her eyes flitted to a man clad in deep hues of azure and just a highlight of sea blue , before the smallest , but definitely smuggest smirk came solely for Nel. My eyes ping-ponged between them . . . I couldn’t piece them together , but I wouldn’t say that aloud. “ I ended up getting him his job here. Put his talent to a good , productive use.”

“And what’s his talent?”

“ Why , murder.”

“ Sure. ” Snickering into my drink , my eyes closed , before realizing the quietude of Nel’s demeanor. She didn’t speak for a full beat before a snicker passed as she pointed to me.

“ I had to mess with you a little bit. I’ll introduce you next time. How about you tell me a little about yourself , Rukia ? ” With that smile , I was absolutely positive Nelliel could get any answer she wanted with so much a small grin ; and I was all the more inclined to tell her whatever she would like to hear.

“ Well , where do you want to begin ? ” Taking a bit courage for another sip , my eyes drifted over to the chanteuses onstage. If Nelliel’s conversation wasn’t ongoing , doubtless I wouldn’t have been watching anything else but that duo: both of them as stunning as their voices were talented , I teared myself away to give my bartender respect and continue the conversation. “ I moved here some years back , but it’s funny . . . I still don’t feel anything grounding me to this particular place on Earth , you know ? ”

“ No family ? Friends ? ”

“ I mean—yeah , they’re around , I guess. . . older brother was supposed to fly in today , but things came up. And you know Renji. ”

“ . . . ” I could tell the next words on her lips were wanting to utter a soft _‘ Is that all ? ’_ but held enough poise to not say it. “ Well-” Letting the drip of the bottle refill my glass , her smile shined in the dimness of the bar. “ You’ve another friend tonight , Rukia. ”

A dry chuckle came up , as I recognized this notion. “ I don’t want pity. ”

“ Good , because I haven’t ever offered someone pity. Waste of time. ” Though her words might have seemed trite , her tone kept that warmth to soften them some. “ What of your ambitions ? Have you ever asked yourself what drives you ? What you want to work for ? ”

I didn’t quite get where she was coming from. “ Like a profession ? ”

“ Potentially. Possibly. ” Shrugging as her earthy hues looked around the room , as if they did a sweep. “ What about desires ? ”

“ How does that differ from ambition ? ”

Nelliel gave a cheeky smirk before rolling her head to the side , letting her eyes flick to the women onstage. “ What about them ? You had your eye on them for a bit. ”

Feeling exposed and embarrassed , I made a hushed noise for Nel to not be as obvious. “ I-I mean. . . they _are_ pretty. Like . . . it not being humanly possible to achieve that level of beauty. ”

Pondering a moment , her eyes looked me over before humming a touch to herself , then looking around the opposite end. “ I see. What about the others ? ” I had to turn to where she was glancing at , then seeing the rather burlier crowd. Some of them were just as distracted as I was with the singers , but the others seemed a touch preoccupied with private affairs conducted in secret. I got that same feeling of dread , before shaking my head at her.

Taking a moment to analyze the two , it felt a bit odd to choose between such binary , polar options. “ It’s not attraction in _that_ way . . . it’s a sense of strength. Those women . . . they can command the stage with such flair and grace . . . and yet , they’re not meek in the slightest. They’re sturdy.” I heard a snort come up from the bartender’s end , before a scowl set on my lips. “ _What ? ”_

Waving her hand , Nel muttered something under her breath , then passing me a water. “ I’m just . . . intrigued by that observation you’ve made. You know , you should talk to them if you’re such a fan. Do you happen to have any talents ? Maybe musical ? ”

Shaking my head , it wasn’t gonna happen. “ Not to _that_ caliber. Anyways , I have a job working for old man Urahara.”

“ You mentioned him before . . . why did you think I knew him ?”

“ He was the one who sent me here , actually. Said to look for a woman with ivy hair—and that the boss was creepier than him , so I’m guessing to stay away ? Half of the tangents he goes off about make no sen-”

The neighboring patrons and Nelliel herself snicker a touch at that , but I failed to see the humor in it. She in particular rolled her lips in a coy , closed smile before her eyes look over to one of the patrons in particular. “ You haven’t seen Mashiro around , have you ? ”

“ You’re her adoptive sister , aren’t you ? ” There seemed to be slumber tugging at the bags underneath his eyes , which probably caused Nel to lean in a little closer to grab his chin , then look at him from side to side , as if he was a show-dog. “ Hey- _enough-”_

“ You really should get more sleep , you know. You’re going to scare away my customers looking like a malnourished vampire over here—oh , speaking of new customers I don’t want you to scare away-” The bartender then turned to me , ushering me to slide down a few seats to make this one’s acquaintance. “ Rukia , this is-”

“ Byakuya know you’re here ? ” The man spoke dryly , before a chuckle came. From my peripheral , I saw Nel purse her lips and then roll them before making her sly exit to the other end of the bar. I wonder if she kept her eyes on me still , but there was a certain weight of power he wielded. His initial scowl turned a bit softer , as did his tone. “ Then again , if Urahara sent you here , I’m guessing not. ”

“ Who . . . are you ? ”

Thin lips opened , and they held a grin for two seconds before shaking his head. “ No one important , really. ”

“ You have all the cards , and I’m left with nothing. The fact that you know my brother and employer is invasive enough , don’t you think ? ” My brows furrow as I begin to question this stranger , despite my having to look up at the cryptic man. Aside from that closed grin , there were hardly any clues for me to decipher about his body language. Nelliel was right . . . he did look particularly tired , although I couldn’t discern if it was from physical or emotional fatigue. Either way , the fact that he sought to turn to spirits now might indicate a time of hardship , or pressing need for a break. “ Maybe I’ll take that as a cue to make my exit. ”

“ And risk missing out on the answers you’ve been looking for ? Aren’t you tired of not knowing ? Of constantly feeling like you’re a blank slate with no past ? ” His head tilted to look at me more directly , fingers interlaced as that chin rested neatly atop of the digits. I knew it was bait for me to take , but I couldn’t deny that I had been having those emotions as of late. I wasn’t going to be a fool and instantly give him full credit for what he was saying—for all I know , this was a plan long set in motion.

I didn’t _want_ to think that he was capable of viewing my thoughts on my face as if I were an open book to read ; I recognized this feeling of anxiety and dread—the same sort which hailed from Urahara’s shop. It posed a question that refused to leave: what do they know about me that I already don’t know about myself ? Then came that sensation of frustration , of futility—that seemed to linger like this invisible , impermeable filter around me.

_I was getting sick and tired of it , frankly._

Maybe that’s why I couldn’t laughing then; I was just so _exhausted_ from being a ‘ blank slate ’ as he so endearingly described it. This complete stranger was able to discern that with so much a glance . . . and some knowledge of my personal life in addition to that.

“ Well ? Are you going to get the answers you deserve ? When will you stop being blinded by the truth right in front of you ? ”

“ Bold talk from someone who looks like they haven’t seen a bed in over 72 hours. ” Finishing the last of my drink , I decided to give him the attention he ardently seemed to crave. To be fair , I’m sure both of us looked adequately spent , hardly in the mindset for the “ date mood ” this bar was attempting to capture. Once he had brought up what I didn’t know , it was like an itch I couldn’t stop scratching: I felt that it was deserved to me , in the very least. I don’t know when I had lost this knowledge , or had simply become ignorant and unaware—but it was plenty evident that something had long been distorted—and had continued to stay that way.

“ Says the one who looks barely old enough to drink here-” Snorting as an elbow is rested at the bar , curious hues look me over while that cheek rests against a loosely curled fist. The cut of his cheekbones was something I kept my eyes on for a moment , before returning that same haughty look to challenge him. “ Are you content to leave that life behind for one beyond your control and knowledge ?”

“ Are you content enough to stop talking like the creepiest , cryptic guy in here ? _Honestly_ -! ” My voice ranged just a smidgen over a whisper , garnering Nel’s raised brows—and a sincere look to the man beside me. She knew him. . . as well as the others here , it seemed like. The longer I stayed here , the more this nagging feeling telling me to hightail it grew. “ I won’t ask again: who are you ? ”

“ No one , really—a pleasure to finally meet you in-person , Ms. Kuchiki—is what I would say if I was on the clock and had time to sleep.” Just as he extended his hand , he took it back to give that smile yet again. The nerve of this jerk. “ Don’t worry so much about how I am—focus on yourself. What did you come here for , anyway ? ”

“ To pick up something for someone.”

“ Are you being honest with yourself ? ”

His words gave me pause , namely as I knew the answer for myself: not really. Coming here was a distraction. As I mulled over my options , they held up two fingers , before Nel came back to give us glasses of water. I kept my eyes on it , to ensure his hands wouldn’t be near mine , and was quick for something that wouldn’t give me a headache half a day from now. Still , it _terrified_ me to my core that a complete stranger knew so much about me , and I still wondered _how._

“ I am sick . . . of watching my life be written out in front of me. Like I don’t even have a say. My choices feel pre-determined , engineered , almost. And I want to make it clear-” Turning to face him , my finger pointed right up at him , and I was half-inclined to give him the middle one too. “ You’re doing a stellar job of pissing me off with this cryptic shit. ”

“ That , unfortunately , comes with the environment. After years of practice , it’s hard to shake off. Although hopefully next time we meet , I’ll have a more charming presence for you to be less rattled by. ”

I must have given him the biggest scoff then. “ Big of you to assume I’m coming here again.”

“ Well , you’ll have to. Mashiro—the one you’re looking for—isn’t here today. She works sometime this weekend. ” I didn’t even have to look at him to see that small curl of a grin to greet my scowl.

I was aware of him studying me with the fascination one might take with a specimen that surprised them to no end. However , with this Mashiro not being here , there was really no point in me being here. “ Alright , well , I won’t be seeing you next time then-” As I hopped off the seat , the ginger looked at me with a touch of surprise , before being quick to follow me. “Good night . . . and try to take better care of yourself , hm?”

“Whoa—wait a sec-” He really had the height advantage working for him , because it took no time for those legs to quickly catch up. “ You don’t know your way out of here-”

“I’ll figure it out.” I was self-assured I could remember the way from here to Midtown , and rest home comfortably. That , and I didn’t want to risk anyone following me home . . . maybe I _should_ have waited for Renji.

“Wait a sec-!” The call was sterner then , before a quick grip of my wrist. In that moment , I felt nothing but sheer heat and a stillness of my heartbeat when I growled at him to let go. It was a situation I mentally prepared for in self-defense when walking home alone at night , but I was without some of the aids I would have needed in this instance , having assumed I would have had my neighbor to walk me home.

Instantly did he let go , holding his hands up and backing up a few paces before explaining himself. “ Look , there’s more I want to tell you . . . _have_ to tell you , in your case. ”

“ Oh , why start now ? You seemed to enjoy having me fish for answers before.” My tone dry and brusque , I pushed the ground floor button of the elevator , resigning to the fate that I wouldn’t get any answers out of this man . . . but it didn’t move. Then again.

With a sigh , he came into the space , before shaking his head. “ There’s a sequence you have to push. Everyone who has access here has one. ”

“ What about Renji ? The patrons ? ”

“ Renji works. Patrons are a bit specialized. But that’s not my department. ” Mumbling to himself as he worked quick to hit some buttons to get the elevator in motion again.

“ So what _is_ your department ? ”

“ Not supposed t’say , really. . .”

“ Then you can hop off.” My hand made a shoo-ing motion , ready for him to depart. My walking buddy groaned in agitation before crossing his arms. For a full moment , he squinted—almost a bit of a scowl there—before rubbing at his neck as he conceded with his answer.

“ I’m what you would loosely call an information broker. It’s my job to know what others don’t. Which would explain why I know so much about you. You didn’t really think anyone could have just walked through those doors without prior inspection right ? That Urahara sending you here and Renji accompanying you were just coincidences ? ” Honestly , I didn’t know what to think—and it showed when they exhaled a sigh before easing up on his tone. “ Listen , I get it: it _sucks_ being left in the dark. Parts of your life you thought were private are now the topic of discussion at some random stranger’s dining table. ”

“ Yours? ” I inquired wryly , feeling lost in this sea of ambiguity and confusion.

“ Bold of you to assume I have time to eat at home. ” Another sigh , before eyes looked to me with a touch more compassion. “ I sympathize with you. More than you realize , actually. But I’m not a fan of you being on the offensive—which is well warranted , I guess.”

“ You _guess?_ You started spouting off facts about my brother and my personal li-”

“ Yeah , yeah , keep it down, we’re almost at the station. ” His exhaustion spoke volumes before the _ding_ of the elevator came , and I was quick to step out. The man however , remained.

“ You’re not coming ? ” _Where , Rukia ? You inviting him somewhere ?_

“ I mighta lied about being off the clock. Truth is , I’m always working , even when I’m not.” Shrugging , he searched his breast pocket to hand me a business card: it held a similar motif to the one Urahara gave me , but this time , visible text was made out , albeit in that same bizarre font. “What is it ? ”

“ It’s an old card , but the phone number on it is what’s important: call that tomorrow so someone can walk you to meet Mashiro. Don’t worry about Renji—I’ll explain how I pissed you off so much you left. ”

“ Not a good idea-” I chided warily , wondering who exactly would win in that battle. I watched him push buttons yet again from the other side , and him waving to me. “ Wait—you didn’t tell me your name-”

“ Oh no , looks like you have another reason to come visit tomorrow then , huh ? ” There was a quick flick of his tongue sticking out before the deep chuckles were the last thing I heard when the elevator closed. I felt brows scrunch together as I took care to quickly leave from that lift , straightaway to home. My fingers messed with the card in my pocket before taking it out , looking over the strange combination of numbers: it wasn’t a full number either , which only made this man even more bizarre. The more I thought about it , the more confused I seemed to get: but there _was_ some truth to what he said. . . and I was unsure of being beguiled or ignorant would lead to my downfall. I could just pretend the night didn’t happen . . .

but I couldn’t exactly get myself to throw away that card , either.

And ended up needing it in the next day to come.


	2. String Her Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rukia cashes in that calling card earlier than intended . . . with things taking an unexpected turn of heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E/N: So , a rather quick update , because i had the itch to write , and wanted to flesh out their meeting in a bit more depth , albeit in an unorthodox fashion ( I was :ok_hand emoji: this close to giving y'all some spice , but I got my reasons. I do apologize for any future glitches the site gives me-I had to repost the first chapter like five times before it worked. I'll try to update next week , and if you enjoy reading , please kudos, review , or send a PM because your support really helps ! As a reminder , updates on the profile / twitter for the fic and I hope you all stay safe , healthy , and happy. Take care !

For the rest of that night , I felt restless. I knew eventually , I would fall into that spell of slumber , but my brain kept replaying the events of that night: Urahara giving me that strange card ; the whole deal with the shady lift ; and even shadier man who proposed I come visit tomorrow . . .

I groaned with a roll to my side , fingers tapping my screen to an all-too bright 2:45 AM blinding me in the complete darkness of my room. Too soon was I to turn it over to close my eyes again , but the more I thought about it , the more answers I had left unsolved. Yet , one quote continued to scroll up my closed eyes as if they were credits continuing to repeat itself:

" Don't worry so much about how I am—focus on yourself. What did you come here for , anyway ? "

" Look , there's more I want to tell you . . . have to tell you , in your case. "

" Are you being honest with yourself ? "

Maybe his avoidance of sleep was contagious ,as those words did the trick once they started to echo time and time again. The rest of the sleepy town was blissfully in its own spell , save for the few still up and at 'em at this time. Sliding my hands through the sleeves of silk to veil myself , I caught the passing sight of me across the mirror hung on the wall : hair messy and untamed , straight locks messed and frizzy at the tail ends stood out to my pallid countenance and skin—I looked like a ghost that just woke up from the dead. Even my eyes had a bit of lifelessness to them , that off-shade of lapis that were two steps away from looking artificial.

All the while , something felt incomplete—yesterday had me hit 'pause' on so many things I had expected to resolve that day: from Byakuya's visit , to this need of closure and feeling of guilt lingering over my shoulders , to not getting answers from . . . him. I didn't know if it was a 'move' or ploy for me to get more info to pry for his name , but I would not stoop to that level—I already asked once , and the stubborn part of me didn't want to ask twice.

The shrill tone of my phone chirped , breaking the ouroboros of thoughts that would doubtless cease if I kept this up: a text from Renji, broken up into a multitude of texts that showed he had only found out now I left. To be fair , I should have given him a heads-up . . . but I couldn't even begin to think what I would have said. Should've , would've , could've , right ?

[ Did you get home safe? ]  
[ You coulda lemme know….]  
[ Call me when you wake your ass up ]

I made a face at that , instantly shaking my head. Knowing Renji tended to exaggerate his reactions more than what was necessary , I didn't feel like dealing with that headache. There was a pressing need , and it wasn't until I walked over the dress I shimmied out of before collapsing into bed hours before , to find that obscure card—that made two now. Fetching the other one , I compared them side by side , and sure enough: same creepy text.

xолэ'o'ʒлoрʃoрд

I knew if I thought any more , or attempted to decipher these cryptic ass clues at half past 2 in the morning , I would just give up for the rest of the day. . . I almost felt as if I had to write them down just to not let them slip by. Yet . . . there was one link that could help me out.

" . . . Well , you called quick than I thought. Shouldn't you be asleep ?"

" That's rich , coming from a ghoul. " My feet found themselves idle in walking about my bedroom , messing with absolutely whatever my hands could straighten up during my conversation with the sleep-deprived stranger. " I couldn't sleep. Renji kept blowing up my phone. " Just because he knew some of my life didn't mean he had to know the truth from here on out.

" Just . . .? Turn it off . . ? "

" Ah , but then how would I entertain you on such a night ? "

" You could entertain me any number of ways , but you seemed fairly grumpy tonight. For a night out , you seemed more concerned with me than yourself. Are you always so courteous to worry about others ? "

" I—it was your fault I didn't have fun !"

" Ah , I can practically see you scrunching those tiny brows together now. "

" . . . Do you want to see me that bad ?"

There was a period of silence that came then , and I bit my lip—whether to avoid backtracking or to stifle my laughter , I didn't know what side then was going to win. I remember remaining still as I leaned over the edge of the bed with phone to my ear , curious to hear his reaction amid the music still going on his end.

" You would invite a man you don't know over ? " He almost seemed skeptical , and far from hopeful. It made me laugh , to see him off his guard for once.

" I wasn't planning on letting you into my actual apartment per se . . . but you are tall enough that you could probably yell to my bedroom window."

" Mn , we'll see if I'll put in the effort , Rapunzel. " Chuckles came , and my tooth nicked a little too sharply that I bit into my lip. Funny how we seemed to get along so splendidly now . . . it was almost too bizarre—as if I had been talking to someone entirely different just mere hours ago. Still , the questions remained , and I knew I would continue to be in a state of unease until they were answered.

" What you said earlier. . ."

" Hm ? "

" How much of it is true ? "

" As much you can comprehend right now , in this moment."

" . . . fuck off. "

What ? "

" I am-" Swallowing that unrest that seemed to bubble up my throat , I felt my hands shaking in a fury that wouldn't quieten. Teeth nibbled at the sides of my cheek as I mulled over what to say next , with an attempt to keep my urge to swear minimal. " . . . exhausted. I just want the truth. Speak plainly. "

" You won't believe me , even if I did." A sign of resignation came before a dry chuckle came then. " To put it into words . . is like translating: I wouldn't be able to explain all the nuances intended-"

"Wait , shut up-" The idea made me look over to the card , before flipping it over to the unintelligible text. " That card you gave me: what does it say ? I mean , what language is it in ?"

" Uh , I'm not really sure. All I know is that it's another name for the bar. I don't think we have something official to call it by."

What was it with all these unchecked proprietary businesses running rampant in this city ? Nevertheless , it didn't seem like he was intending to keep whatever he had as a secret. " How about you come visit anyway ? Better than you trying to conduct this conversation over phone?"

" You're joking."

" Not really. If you can help me get clarity , then you'll save me a headache later on in the day."

" You sure about that ? You did tell me to fuck off not even two minutes ago."

" Yeah , and I might tell you to if you say the wrong thing. Depends on how lucky you think you'll get."

Another laugh came from him , inducing that drop of heat that soon spread over my core like a blanket , then wrapping tight. " I'm not gonna brag on my chances , but it does depend on what I'm rolling the dice for. "

" Use your imagination. "

" Careful , Miss Kuchiki—you might just tempt me."

"I would , but I don't tempt strangers whose identities remain a secret."

"Oh , well played. . . alright then-" He paused , and it made me think he was on his way out as we spoke. " It's Ichigo Kurosaki."

" Is that your real name or one you made up on the spot?"

"About as real as Rukia Kuchiki."

"You have a mouth on you—don't you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak?"

"On the contrary: I think I enliven the company of others by giving my two cents."

"And one might be tempted to hasten this phone call a bit preemptively if you yourself don't sweeten the deal."

"I already told you my name."

"Pardon me for not realizing how gratuitous a gift that is , King. That means I'll really flip my shit when you send the Christmas card."

"Which as Fate would have it , I would needin' that address to send it to you—and visit you , as you've so requested."

" Are . . . are you mocking me ?"

"It's hard not to when you talk like someone who should be stuck in some faculty library for a few hours teaching seminars or something."

"Hey—there's nothing wrong with having an advanced vocabulary."

"Yeah , and who were you trying to pick up tonight ? A couple of college kids turned on by your quick wit and quicker temper ?"

"It's not temper as much as it is the knowledge of patience and using it wisely to not deal with bullshit."

" Bullshit , huh ? Alright , I'll hand you that skill. . . but you do have to loosen up."

"Oh , do I?"

"Yeah , otherwise you won't ever last a conversation with me. Or you'll storm off. Or tell me to fuck off again. You're part of a very distinctive type of woman."

"You sound like you have experience."

His voice seemed to waver , before I recognized the sound of a train coming close. Huh , it seems he really was on his way. A double-take to the mirror before I felt a small wave of heat color those ghastly cheeks—it had been a minute , but . . . I figured I could still get somewhat dressed. Even in my core , I was unsure if it would lead to anything carnal , but on that slim chance . . . why not , right?

However , I was so focused on the prospect of possible sex , I blanked out , left with silence until he spoke up. " You still there?"

"Y-Yeah—just neighbors being too loud , and . . .distracting." What was going on with me ? I shook my head , then rummaging through possible numbers to wear underneath this robe. During the myriad of this or that , I tried to be an active communicator during his conversation.

" If you say so. You wanna text me that address so I can meet up with you ? Or are you already swoonin-"

"Absolutely not." I spoke outright before hanging up to text him, but part of my response felt false. Internally , I felt at odds with myself over this man coming after midnight. The thoughts of what the others would think . . . made me guffaw aloud , and I took in a quick , deep breath before expelling this fit of laughter I hadn't had since . . . I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so much. I was only thankful I hung up before stirring up some questions for Ichigo . . . damn , missed opportunity to get even.

Time spent finishing the last-minute touches seemed to pass quickly once I heard the knock on my door. With another once-over , I tried to keep my footsteps light before unlocking the door to peer behind the door , blinking at seeing the same man twice. My puzzlement was apparent , because he looked pretty clueless himself. " You gonna lemme in?"

"Ah, yeah-" Ushering him in , eyes were on me and the robe I kept tied a little too tightly—but the sheer gradient from toes to tip could make him wonder. It was then it hit me: was he even available ? My face loosened some , before I felt a poke at my shoulder.

"You sure you alright ? You seem really outta it. . ." His arms crossed as his head cocked like a curious canine , reacting to a new sound they've just heard. Closer did he step , and I took a moment to really look him over: for all the bright auburn hues of his hair , there lingered a darkness underneath those eyes, even with those autumnal hues looking me over in caution , as if he was checking up on me. From what was exposed of his loose collar and blazer , there was a bit of muscle developed there. Hands felt coarse , but firm all the same when one places itself awkwardly on the side of my jaw , before fingers hesitate to hold onto my chin. I opened my mouth to respond , before there's such a deep expulsion of fatigue when he loosens his stance in looking me over. " In hindsight , I probably should have told you to go catch up on sleep. I feel a little bit guilty you're losing sleep over this."

"Don't be. I think this clarity was long overdue." I gestured to his shoes and blazer, telling him to leave them near the entrance of the door before I go to get us both some water for a change. " But . . . did something happen tonight ? You seem a lot less. . . rowdy now."

"I'm mulling over how to break things to ya. Even if I came all this way , there's no guarantee you're going to like the end result of it all." The weariness at his eyes seemed more prevalent than ever. I don't know why it bothered me as much as it did , but it made me want to try to aid him. After all , if they were going to be the only person willing to help me out , shouldn't I at least gesture some goodwill?

Taking his hand with one of mine , my other hand rose to place it flatly against his chest. Gradually did I trail my sights from his sternum , noting the faint , healed marks on the edges on his neck , and even underneath his jaw, before looking up at Ichigo to affirm silently if he truly wanted to take this course. The expression he made almost seemed to be one of gratitude , and it was only then that I saw how far fatigue had dragged him . I resolved then that I wouldn't press him for questions that night: hell , he barely looked as if he could hardly stand. One of my arms wrapped around his to guide him to the bedroom , before he seemed alert enough to give that kind of incredulous look, on the edge of asking me something. " Are we . . ?"

I wouldn't picture him to be one of innocence , but the absolute blank face he donned made me chuckle to myself. " While I wouldn't reject the notion , I want to try something first. Then , if you're still up for it , then sure."

" You know I didn't come here for sex , right ?" Ichigo felt the need to clarify , but it had me pondering if he truly traversed all this way just to help me out. It wasn't that I didn't want to—he seemed fairly attractive in all aspects , and just enough at that point of ambiguity for me to chalk it up to a one-night stand I could soon forget , something told me the man just needed a night of rest , rather.

" Shame. And I even got dolled up for the occasion." Teasing him in whispers , I slid onto the bed , but looked him over. " You'll forgive me , but I don't want the smell of the club on you and spreading to my sheets. Just take off the blazer and pants for now."

Cocking his head to the side while acknowledging the request , Ichigo gave a short huff. " You always command the men in bed?"

"Not really. Women too."

"I. . oh. Interesting." He made that face , and I waited patiently for him to explain his thought process. " Didn't think you would take charge , is all."

"And you do?"

"Others haven't complained." The addition of his body against mine was something I knew felt bizarre at first. Not even accounting for the height difference , I scooted up so that I was sitting on the edge of the headboard with my legs bent, then sliding them down as I looked down to the man on his side next to me. " This is your show. What are you planning?"

"Try relaxing for a sec. Your mouth and probably brain have been running non-stop for hours. . . longer , probably." I patted my lap lightly , lightly tugging the bottom of my slip down a little further. That inquisitive look shot up to me in doubt , before that hesitancy soon gave in as he rested his head down.

"This is weir-"

"Shut up , and try to relax. . . you do know how to relax , don't you ?" Chiding him in return , my fingers flicked a temple, before I earned a haughty growl in response. " Honestly . . . when was the last time you had a breather ?"

His body felt even more rigid , tensing up as the silence went on. I noted his limbs folding , specifically his legs gradually pulling up. Ichigo's arms were restless , unsure of what to do with them. My fingers scooped from underneath that palm, closed eyes opening once again as they looked up at me. I tried my earnest to show him I would be here with him: I draped one arm around my waist , as if he would float away if he didn't hold onto me. The other hand was one I still held , while my free palm traced idly against his jawline. " This the part you kick me out for being handsy?"

" If you keep up the puns , sure. . . but as far as what you were going to tell me-"

"Which I still intend on doing-" Rising up , I only realized then how tall he truly was when he was able to ascend like a cobra about to strike. " I'm not bullshitting you, I-"

"And I believe you."

For some reason , those words caught him off-guard , blinking as if whatever conflict which would have arisen had suddenly dissipated into air molecules. My smile couldn't abide to be subdued , garnering his attention then. " What's so funny ?"

"You get so wound up so easily. . . it's humorous , but would also explain so much about how tired you are." Canting my head , my chin jutted down for him to lie back down. " Relax , and I mean it this time—or you can sleep on the couch."

"Why are you so intent on getting me to ease up ?"

"Because I know what it feels like to have all these expectations on your shoulders until you crumble from it all." I breathed out evenly , before I scratched idly at my temple. " And I know how it can suck the life out of you. . .but don't think I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart—you're still telling me what I need to hear tomorrow , yeah?"

" Well , yeah-"

"Then would you please close your eyes and . . . I don't know , take some cleansing breaths or something? What normally . . . puts you to bed ?"

" Aside from sex?" His brows rose in honest questioning before he mulled over his answer. " I haven't slept in so long I don't remember."

" . . . Okay , let's try something else." Exhaling a deep breath of my own , I tried not to think about the aspects of possibly hooking up, but that devilish grin on his face meant he caught me. Ichigo would play along , but as for how long , only time would tell.

My fingers curled for him to nestle on his side close to me, but having shimmied up enough that I could reach both head and a good enough portion of his back. In keeping the conversation light , my digits began with light scratches to the sides of his head to see if touch could be the key to relieving that tension. " How about . . . you tell me a story ?"

"What , is it bedtime already?"

"Hey, hey—I'm the one doing the work here. . . just talk about whatever is on your mind. Maybe something about yourself so you don't think about me trying to get you to sleep as much."

"Oh , how effective-" A snort came from him , but I restrained my urge to pinch his nape. My eyes could have been fooling me , but I swear his shoulders drooped just a touch. " I have two sisters , both younger. One is going into medical school . . . the other , I don't know. I haven't seen them in over a decade."

I felt my touches slow in response , but let one hand gradually drag fingernails down the nape , and up again to see if it elicited any kind of reaction from the other. He paused , before continuing. " Dad was a general physician , and we lived off of what we could in that small town. I came here out on a vacation with some friends when I was younger , and found myself liking the atmosphere here. It's a way from my hometown , but hardly anything is in its original form because of gentrification anyway. Saved up enough to invest wisely , and I do a few gigs on the side at the club if I want something nice every once in a while. It's not interesting , really . . . what about you ?" His tone shifted to a softer one once I began to work at his shoulders , which almost seemed to thank me for the much-needed attention.

" Thought you had everything you needed to know about me—and already were aware of my life."

"Mn , not exactly. There's only so much I can dig , but it won't tell me about the person themselves. Like , their aspirations , or where they go to when they're at their lowest point—data can only tell me so much."

"How about you focus more on going to sleep than knowing all about me , hm ?" I pressed just a touch harder before a soft groan was emitted , finally getting those eyes to close at long last.

" But that's no fun. . . alright , I'll settle for a question for now: did you wear those cute panties for me or you tonight ?"

I froze , before looking down at the angle that Ichigo could see them at before tugging at his hair to get him to look elsewhere . . . but the intense pangs of heat on my face spoke the truth. Naturally , he was all too pleased with himself , before rolling his shoulders , smug as all hell. " Man , you blush easily. . .how cute." The latter words whispered as he slowly tested his closure , before looking me over. " You know , it was hard not to look , but you're a tempting sight all on your own. Give yourself some credit , Rukia."

It sounded so bizarre having him say my name , but at this crux between restraint , convenience , and my dwindling sanity , I was unsure where this was going , now that he was actually here. In bed. With me. Part of me probably thought I was joking. I did too.

" I mean it. You really are something else." More quietly now he spoke , as if someone was listening. If you could believe it , there was blush on his face too , and it earned him a chaste peck on his cheek from me. My lips drifted , almost too hesitant to part as I caught his eyes and let lips linger right above his upper lip, before he turned to rest his head onto my shoulder—oh, . . okay , I guess that's where we're headed now. " I can't tonight."

His words were almost missed , but I reached around him to rub at his back with a hand. "It's alright , you're probably tired."

Ichigo's wry laughter came as he leaned atop of me ,and that sight kept me still: my mind of course , drifted to lewd scenarios , despite reality and it not aligning. " I don't mean to lead you on. I'm just not in a good place mentally , and don't want to drag you down with me."

"Oh." Oh. Just 'Oh' was all I could say. Can't say I've heard that one before , but I wouldn't push him out of bed for that. " Alright , so. . . what now ?"

". . . You really did call me for a booty call , huh ?"

" Hey , you-"

" Were delivering agreed upon information , yes , I know-" His arm went to drape over my waist , once he rolled to the side. " But information aside , why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you being so nice ? You were hardly nice when we met."

"I . . ." The answer died in my throat , as my brain was running on empty. In that moment , I was glad my back was turned to him , because I knew my face went through several shifts as I tried to come up with a halfway-decent response as I mulled about for a good enough answer. " You know how . . . you begin to miss something when it's gone ? Like truly lost ? Like a shirt or a game."

" . . . Yeah , actually." Drowsiness finally caught up with him , thank whatever deity was watching over me that night. Would rather it not be during me being real , but I'll pick my battles another day.

"Well. . . it wasn't until you spoke on the subject that I began to feel . . .utterly and completely lost. I guess I misdirected anger at you , because you called it out so brazenly , and in my 27 years , I just had no clue. Like those horses with the blinds on them—just focused about the next hurdle to jump , not caring how , or when I got there. . ." And it terrified the fuck out of me to not know.

I didn't know it then , but that revelation would unravel everything. I didn't know if there was any merit to Ichigo's words , truly. However , it was another thing to have it confirmed by this lingering , nagging feeling in your gut. When it feels like there was a voice inside you that had been screaming its lungs out for eons , while you carry on , deaf to its cries.

" . . . I don't want to keep living my life like a puppet . . ." Uttering this namely to myself , I felt myself shrink , mortified by what the truth could await me tomorrow. It could be that this whole thing was a hoax . . . but I would take that any day over knowing that my life was a sham. It would explain why I could only remember key events , enough that I could count them on one hand , with this fog in between each of them.

My core tightened , having me curl in tighter as I tugged a pillow closer to me to try to sleep off these haunting thoughts. What I didn't expect was the tender touch returned , letting those coarse fingers drift through my hair that did more for me than I did for Ichigo moments prior. Soon , they settled to wrap around my side , keeping me close as he said something bizarre before I drifted off: " When's the last time you slept , hm ? . . . бу́'мля'рэм. ."

By all accounts , I shouldn't have trusted him , nor him with I . . . yet to achieve this strange , requited level of intimacy was . . . unusual to find someone to simply accept things as they were. It was unusual to confront the fear of the unknown with such confidence. Confidence which I believe came from Ichigo and meeting him.

So where is that confidence , now that he's not here ?


	3. First & Final

**RANGIKU. MARCH 10. CYCLE Φ**

* * *

Eyes regarded the aftermath with a touch of mercy , but guarded nevertheless with the flurry of investigators , officers , and analysts trying to garner mere slivers of clues to attempt to piece together the origin of this devastation. At a crux between wanting to mourn and needing to keep up this facade just a little while longer , Matsumoto turned her attention to surveying those of her legal associates busy at work. In fact , one in particular was keen to remind her she had her own load to carry.

" You're hesitating. S'not like ya , yanno." The voice cut through the buzzing nest of noise , even though it was a struggle to retain and hone her focus on the crime scene on hand. For one , her heart felt absent , and heavy all the same. There was a yearning to undo this , and before vengeance could even be fathomed , the heart needed to mourn.

Turning to the toothy grin of her partner , it was evident he was trying to get a rise out of her—not of the malevolent sort , however. Maybe he was fishing for a reaction , or to get Matsumoto to make her own assessments of the scenario. He trusted in her instinct—why she was even considered by her superiors to go undercover—the informant had a knack for adapting to the situation , even when things got dicey. " I know this is just one of the scenes , but it would help if I could look at them side-by-side and compare—I'm just trying to recall. ."

_I'd rather not remember that bloodbath . . . and having to clean it up._

" That's right , you were knocked out cold for a while there . . we can pull it up when we get to the office , but do your thing here , and we'll meet up later. " Rather too nonchalantly did the lead investigator dismiss Matsumoto , but it was a blessing in disguise that she could have some time and space to think to herself. Those inquisitive , wary eyes trailed after them and their thin frame before taking in the aftermath to ascertain who else was still about: the analysis of the apartment's foyer had concluded , the rest of the team spread into the home's remaining rooms. Having some time alone , Matsumoto felt the escape of a sigh long yearning to be released with grief. The consequence of what had occurred was just one of the many risks involved known among the syndicate's members—yet the ache of loss remained still.

So much so that she couldn't bear to look at the bodies in the adjacent rooms—simply overhear the conversation. In due time , she would put on that steely mask to help her persevere through this tragedy ; until then , Matsumoto saw it best to honor those she knew—however seldom their paths crossed with hers—the best way she could : by finding the parties responsible. Punishment . . . was something she pined to deliver , although a voice whispered: _do what only you can—information is key , after all._

" Oy , Rangiku-!"

The call broke her from the spell of focus , canting her head to see her partner come back with a pep in his step. In his hand, a card no bigger than his palm , with silver lettering:

_**xолэ'o'ʒлoрʃoрд** _

The blond had pep in his step , eager to meet up with the woman who almost seemed a bit too quiet for his tastes—hopefully this would invigorate her some. " I'm no linguist , but what you do make of this ? Cryllic ? "

Her brows furrowed as gloved fingers took the card to examine it , but the sight was an all too familiar one. Now it was all imperative she keep her mask on—her partner was one of the sharper people in this private unit assembled for this case. Being out of his radar was a necessity. " I. . . It could be , I would have to look into this some more. "  
" You mind ? I already feel that this case is going to be a bigger headache than I thought. . . first development for years , and I'm no closer to helping solve it." The trim and neat bangs having above his brows shook from side to side , and with a wide grin that seemed to push the woman further away. Lackadaisically did he wave with his exit , entrusting his partner to find the answers to the questions which only seemed to be accruing with time.

Once having felt that she was truly alone , what couldn't be said aloud was whispered to that card, with a grip which bent and creased its lower half in frustration that her efforts felt wholly futile. The information Shinji sought was already aware to the woman who had formed these relations with the very people she was investigating . . . as well as those in the other rooms. Those tears for the fallen could not be shed ; her presence in itself was blasphemy to those victims she sought justice for. She reminded herself of this cruel reality , and resonated with the guilt of inaction. In time, it would devour her whole—with only the scarce remnant of her shell to tell others of what she did. Would anyone hear her words to explain the loss of life ? Did she deserve it ?

* * *

**ICHIGO: JANUARY 5. CYCLE Θ**

* * *

" My name is Ichigo Kurosaki and . . . I have no idea what to say." Thinking this over was a headache and a half—and it was kicking my ass on top of that. I could already hear my own voice nagging in the background , disappointed that I hadn't made progress on how to explain the very complicated situation a Miss Rukia Kuchiki found herself in. Hell , if I didn't complicate it more by showing up a few nights ago . . . and I was just at that point of fatigued that I would have told her, truly.

_Yeah , and you would have put us in a fuckin' mess . . ._

I was getting tired of running through the same explanation and practice time and time again. The tricky thing was that I knew I had to watch my toes to not overstep a lot of boundaries—and of all people to come into the bar , it had to be the most stubborn woman I meet. I almost wanted to relive that night , just to see why she got so worked up—I hadn't had a 'real' interaction like that in . . . months , maybe.

_And wanting to fuck might play a factor too._

When I think back to that night , I wanted to go back then too—and kick my own ass. I am used to thinking of things as a strategy , and planning my course of action that way; but to be thrown for a sharp turn like that made me wonder if I had underestimated Rukia from the beginning. Then again , considering her family , I shouldn't be all too surprised she caught me off my guard.

_You would probably think better if you had someone to take care of that tension._

" Fuck , can you shut _up_ -" The words come before that other voice finishes their message , but cackling comes as soon as I swear. For years , _they_ made a home in me , with no choice to me in the regard of housing them. They were something _malevolent ,_ and physical at that—enough to have control over me at my weakest points. I know what it sounds like—blaming the cause of my shortcomings onto this . . . projection with my design and coincidentally within me is awfully convenient , right ?

I didn't ask for the fucking monster ; it takes and takes , without giving me a chance to rest or-

_Ah , now who's the whiny brat ? What'sa matter? Afraid I'll buck you off again ? You know it's only a matter of time , King._

And there came that dread. Because of it , I hadn't felt like myself in months—not since I went to Urahara for alternative methods of dealing with him. That's the only thing I could do: _deal with it._ There was no remedy , solution , or cure that would let me live in isolation , whole ; because of _it ,_ I've been slipping—things that I would have caught before they even show on the radar are popping up , and I feel powerless to stop it. Every time that force manifests , I feel weaker than I did before. I don't speak these thoughts directly , as they are a mental and emotional leech—always there , the backseat driver of my life.

Although when I think back to that night with Rukia , I almost want to laugh at the absurdity of it all: I didn't even resist when it came to touch , something I thought would be impossible. For once , I felt _it_ fall silent, and I was hesitant to ask if it was there then. I felt so selfish then , wanting to stay there for just a _little bit_ longer. Despite feeling more like a shell of myself lately than ever , I almost _forgot_ to put up those walls. Granted , Rukia giving me a scalp and back massage to . . . ? calm me ? help me sleep ? . . . did the trick.

The mirror showed that bags under my eyes that refused to leave anytime soon , but I was concerned I would grow to crave those few moments of clarity and as a result , use her for that purpose. So even when I have a moment that seems harmless , it has its repercussions. "My name is Ichigo Kurosaki , and you're better off not knowing me." The words mumbled out of my mouth , fingers rubbed at the sides of my face until they stung—just to push me to stay awake the few hours I needed to finish up my business in the club.

Even when I was trying to focus , it didn't seem that much headway could be made until there was someone or something to interrupt. Two soft knocks , then a firm one— _Nelliel._ The thought of her perked me up a little , as I felt I could be more of myself without having to put on the masks needed. Yet , when she came into my office , there was indecision in her steps before her fingers curled underneath a scarred palm of one of my own— _Grimmjow._

" Seeing you both here will raise brows you know-" Exhaling slowly , I turned to face them ,looking from the manifestation of that monster to the two people who regard me in their own way. Nelliel dons a look of concern , although she's seen enough that I begin to think I'm the one who's taking years off of her life with how much she worries. Then there's Grimmjow: unimpressed , and has the look of wanting to stire shit up. " I thought you two were keeping _you_ a secret." I gestured to the two of them , a smile to see if I could rile up Grimm , as it was so easy to do.

" It's my fault-" Nel interjected before her . . . _I wonder what she would consider him even , a boytoy ? Fling ? She deserved better than that man._ **person of interest** opened his mouth to say whatever impending swear and combination thereof he could actually think of. " Ichi. . . we made a pact. You know I've had your back , and will _always_ have your back. ." Her words were soft-spoken , unusual for the bartender who normally spoke her mind.

" Ah , lemme guess: there's a ' _but_ ' coming up , right ?" My smile is still there , but it feels more of a mask than anything. After so many years in practice , it's become second-nature to resort to that—just to spare me the effort of having to rely on genuine emotions. After all , they were a giveaway—and I preferred my secrets stayed just that— _secret._

For a beat , she goes quiet , so I look to Grimm: he doesn't back down from whatever storm is brewing up over his head , but he does take a second to mutter something I couldn't quite hear to Nel. It seemed to give her the boost needed to continue. " I'm having Grimm watch over you—you're on leave."

_**AHHHHH. . . HA-HA-HAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAA!** _

" You said _what?"_ Tired as I was , nothing could have prepared me for that. To be put on the sidelines was something I wouldn't . . . couldn't wrap my head around. I remember blinking for a few moments , and even though my friend repeated herself , I only heard the cackling inside my head , and the white noise buzzing about when he stopped to breathe.

Naturally , Grimmjow had to find a place to put in his two cents. "Oy ! If you actually took fuckin' care o' yourself , you wouldn't be here."

" Mind your place." The words were growled , almost ripped from my throat before Nelliel intervened by stepping in between us. A hand to each of us to push us to separate ends , but I shrugged it off. I _wanted_ to argue with her , to tell her I was capable of running things here . . . but I did give her my word. " . . . If you think that's best , then I won't question it. But there's no way Grimm will be the one to do any kind of surveillance over me."

" I didn't wanna watch your decrepit , dyin' ass anyway , so you saved me a fuckin' favor-"

" _Enough !"_ Nelliel's voice boomed that it had both of us blink at her in a bit of a surprise , It was rare that I ever saw her rattled—she always held her composure and wits about her—which was why I hired her. To me , she waved a single finger swiftly , then gesturing for the fool to wait outside.

Once the door was closed , a deep sigh was exhaled before that same look was given to me: _pity._ I hated it. " Ichigo . . . please take some time for yourself. But just so you don't get any ideas , I'm going to make _sure_ you are being truthful to this , even when I'm not here to keep an eye on you."

I knew I was acting petulant then , but couldn't resist the reaction. I swear , the next beat , I saw just the tiniest smile on her face. There went a few beats of silence , but when I asked who then , if not Grimm , her smile got even wider as she spoke _her_ name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endnotes: Short update before I go away for the weekend , set in Rangiku and Ichigo's perspectives to change it up ! I am very excited to introduce the upcoming concepts , but given as convoluted each part is , I decided to break it up into smaller pieces for easier intake ! As always , follows / reviews are greatly appreciated ! And even if you have queries about the chapter ,I implore you to ask in the review or PM , as there's a chance I may have overlooked / omitted something ( intentional or no ) , and may include it in the upcoming chapters. I wish you all a good weekend and to stay safe !

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reaching the end ! Here I am , thriving despite the pandemic. I hope you all are staying safe , healthy , and trying your best to keep up your mental emotional health ! For me , that's why I'm here , rebranding , revamping , and redoing Strawberry Poison. It'll go by its new name: Return to Sender , as honestly . . . I can't bear the embarrassment of rereading something I wrote almost a decade ago. For one , those chapter were ridiculously long , and two , I think everyone gets embarrassed at looking back at what they wrote when they were younger. Ironically , I realize this chapter is a wee bit long , but nowhere near as long as Strawberry Poison's initial chapter ( I think 20 pages like wow . . . I had sm time )
> 
> Anyway , a brief intro: my name is Silas , and I am a senior in college ! For story updates , I made a side acct on Twitter ( vulpeuss ) to give you all updates. There , you will be able to track my progress , and any announcements for the next chapters ! Any questions , you can ask me there , as I'm more active there than here ( but if you don't have a twitter , PM here is fine as well ! )
> 
> Lastly , I am looking for at least two readers and an editor ! If interested , please contact me with the above methods.
> 
> Until next time , please stay safe and well , and I'll work on classes and getting this next chapter out !


End file.
